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Sun, Sep. 18th, 2005, 08:48 pm
I wish life was a slice of sweet, chocolate cake ...

  

Life sucks sometimes.

When you think something great will happen; Life suddenly goes behind your back and tortures you til you feel like shit. I often wonder, whether the future, everything that happens to us ... is all mapped out for us. Like, someone made a plan for each and every one of the human beings on this weird, living and breeding planet: Whether we live, die ... live a beautiful life, or a horrible one. Whether we get married to George Bush or Brad Pitt ... whether we're murdered by Fred and Rose West ... whether we become famous. Is there a meaning?

Don't know what to do today. Sunday. A week ago today, I was really happy, filled with excitement ... Day-dreaming, skipping down the road ... not even thinking about all the homework I had to complete. And now, seven days later ... I feel ... alone, horrible, guilty, sinful, totally stupid, really, really dumb ... I'm unhappy again. I haven't seen my two best friends in a fucking month. Natalie's been to Jamaica for three weeks, so I don't know if she's back yet? And Leanne's at a college, working her little bum off. I'll ring Natalie, maybe tomorrow.

I just ... WANTED a cuddle, WANTED to talk to someone, to laugh with someone, get some high self-esteem. And now, I can't because it's wrong, because it's STUPID -

S T U P I D. Heh, what a word: Stu ... Pid. Kinda rhymes with ... Cu ... Pid. Maybe they're both used in the same context sometimes.

The weather's gay too: Grey, cold ... and I have so much homework to do by tomorrow: Two art pieces, one stupid thing for Coms ... and like three pieces to do for fucking Graphics - which is a fucking bore. Apart from the teacher. :D ¬.¬ well, one of them, who is a beautiful young lady, likes to let the boys muck around, so she can flirt with them. When I put my hand in the air for ages, it begins to ache because like, she just laughs and giggles with the boys. And she KNOWS they all fancy her!!!! HEH! ¬.¬

I feel like crying. I did Thursday and Friday ... and Saturday. It seemed my week went from sunshine to rain within seven days. Bastard life ... stop being so cruel! :-O

I was paid Friday too! Bought some stuff. It's dad's birthday today, I bought him two Wings albums online. I was thinking about buying The Rolling Stones new album, but gave it a miss. I need to save my money - I need to give the school something like £40 to go towards the Textiles/Graphics/Art equipment. So I can't live in luxury for a while :P

So .. what shall I do tomorrow? Hm ... Oh joy. Four lessons ... ¬.¬ Coms first, then free, then Graphics, then art, then Graphics again ... HOW WONDERFUL! YIPEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes I was being sarcastic.) ¬.¬ And what will I do during the free period at half nine? Maybe I'll pop out town on my bills ...

.. or ... No, I won't do that. I can't. It's wrong. And it's dead anyway. DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, DEAD. Even the friendship seems dead. *starts crying* Stupid life. It's a cunt ... *sniffs* Anyone got a tissue? :'(

Well, I've finished the art homework ... I've still got much to do!

.. And I need a shower ...

I wish I could rewind time. Wish it never happened ... Humans wish for a lot of things; Throw salt over their shoulders and whisper a wish, throw a sixpence for the fairies in the wishing-wells, while thinking of a wish. But it never comes true.

I had a weird dream last night. I think it meant something; Even though the place was weird, the context seemed ... so right. Haha. Hence the brain ... our conscience. *sigh* Life.

... everybody cries ...

... Everybody hurts ... sometimes ...

Sometimes everything is wrong ...

or an ... an IMITATION OF LIFE ... coolest song on the Revel album ;) xxxXXXxx xx xx

Sun, Sep. 18th, 2005 10:48 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous)

Let me in and your life will be beautiful.

Mon, Sep. 19th, 2005 07:53 am (UTC)
graeme_qewe

wow, Lucy have an anonymous admirer.

Anyways, don't be sad. I spend so long trying to cheer you up, and now I feel worthless.

A picture of your cell, and you love hell's angels? wtf?

Mon, Sep. 19th, 2005 04:46 pm (UTC)
earlygenesis: hello

hi graeme.
admirer? hm .. :-\
nah, don't worry; it's not your fault. you're cool. I've always been upset, and a bit depressed since i was about 12.
um .. just something i made up ;) and it's HELL'S angel ;) :D

xxx

ps - thanks for replying in my entry <3

Tue, Sep. 20th, 2005 03:20 am (UTC)
graeme_qewe: Re: hello

but you should be happy. I've seen you laugh many times. You should laugh more.

how are you today? please come to msn soon